Marriage: To Be or Not to Be?

"That is the question... Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of OUTRAGEOUS fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing END THEM."

The Supreme Court handed down it's opinion today on the case of same-sex couples ability to marry in California. LGBT organizations across California declared it a victory, although the opinion is in many ways very mixed.

The conversations I've had today about the whole thing have been similarly nuanced.

One friend, with whom I frequently go on academic diatribes with, did not want to be too hasty in his excitement. The opinion did overturn Prop. 22. It also deemed the denial of same-sex couples the ability to marry, when opposite-sex couples are given that right, unconstitutional. But it was by no means a piece of definitive legislation. What's more, the effort on the behalf of the opposing organizations appears to have produced the 1 million signatures necessary to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot in November. If Californians vote in favor of that measure, the opinion today will be overruled.

Some of my black friends are skeptical. One person took the moment to recognize the domestic struggles that some black straight couples face, even as their marriage is recognized. To her the victory was more symbolic. She even went so far as to point out how this move only re-established privilege for those who tend to benefit most from any gay civil rights measures, gay white men. She is a partnered black woman.

"Weddings are for CAKE"

LOL. One of my friends is opposed to marriage in either case. She and I agreed that it is mostly a symbolic gesture. Family and friend get dressed up, eat cake and dance (and generally all one poor saps dime). She stressed that if you're in a committed relationship it shouldn't matter. And jokingly, but truthfully, pointed out that if her and a partner needed to be married in order for her to feel secure in the relationship, then they had "bigger problems."

All have good points. Others of my friends were in awe, some rejoiced openly. I am still milling.

I am both a skeptic and an optimist here. I think I've heard only a smidgen of the important critiques of this moment. I think that we cannot accept this "victory" without being even slightly critical. The marriage movement has been bittersweet for me, as someone who identifies with my many intersecting identities.

As a black person, I can't ignore that there tend to be are more pressing issues for black queer folks. Mental health high on my list of them. As well a person of lesser economic stature, I can't ignore that those of us who don't have the expository income, are often quieted by the raucous roars of those who can put their money where their mouths are. As a young person, the prospect of marriage is both alien and seemingly fantastical. I am not at a place in my life yet where I am ready to be married, but I would like to in the foreseeable future when I have established myself.

Looking through all of those lenses and working among those who are "gay for pay" I also know that we are staggeringly not present in those private meetings where the agenda is decided and the messages are crafted.

Marriage Means Something

But identities aside (or taken together- however one looks at it), as a thinking person I know that this means something. In the same way that Brown v. Board of Education meant something for black folks, and Loving v. Perez meant something for interracial couples, so too does this case mean something for gay folks, of all walks of life.

Having it acknowledged that it is unconstitutional for same-sex couples to be denied equal protection under the law. It takes one step closer to bringing the lives of same-sex individuals off of the margins. I don't really want to be mainstream, but I don't deserve to be discriminated against because who I love and because others have failed to update their archaic perspectives and views.

I think that I am CONTENT. And I feel fortunate to be alive to witness this event. [Hey, that rhymed ;0)]

People like the Alicia Heath-Toby & Saundra Toby-Heath (pictured above) in NJ are still unable to marry in their state. But I think this ruling sends a powerful message, to loving and lasting couples like them, that things can change. They are an important figure in this movement especially when it comes to help ing bring the issue home for black folks.

Supreme Ct. Opinion (PDF 172pgs)

Here are some notable quotes

"As past cases establish, the substantive right of two adults who share a loving relationship to join together to establish an officially recognized family of their
own — and, if the couple chooses, to raise children within that family —
constitutes a vitally important attribute of the fundamental interest in liberty and
personal autonomy that the California Constitution secures to all persons for the
benefit of both the individual and society.
"We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples."

"We therefore conclude that although the provisions of the current domestic partnership legislation afford same-sex couples most of the substantive elements embodied in the constitutional right to marry, the current California statutes nonetheless must be viewed as potentially impinging upon a same-sex couple’s constitutional right to marry under the California Constitution."

Who else is talking about it:
Pam's House Blend
Living Out Loud with Darian
The Daily Voice
Rod 2.0